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Friday, December 1, 2017

Atheistjustin Has 10 Minutes

Hey assholes.

Been about a month since my last post. What can I tell you? I'm a drunk. Anyway, I've got about 10 minutes before I go off to work at the bar and I figured I'd throw something up.

Christmas time is fast approaching and while I am also Jewish while also not believing in God or religion, I fucking love Christmas. The sweaters are great, the food clogs your heart, Santa and Jesus are both a lie, and people give you free shit.

Is there anything better than that?

While I love the holidays and having an excuse to listen to Michael Buble for a month straight, I cannot help but feel my age creeping. For anybody thats ACTUALLY an adult- you know- 30- you're probably laughing that a 21 year old is starting to feel old.

But its true. My anus is doing that thing where I haven't shit in 8-10 hours, but for some reason I still feel as though I need to wipe. Additionally, I'm tired all the time and my love for Dewars white label has become more of a necessity than a pleasure.

There is a chance I'm just experiencing the early stages of alcoholism. Which, as I discussed a month ago, is probably the case.

Moving on- the Holidays when you're a kid are totally without conditions. You just GET shit. Its dope. From all sorts of people in your family. Even from people you have a vague understanding of being related to you- like, was that really my uncle or was it just some guy who molested me? I don't know. Either way the Lego set he gave me before he left was pretty cool, though.

But now at this early adult age, I am feeling the pressures of having to get dozens of people gifts. Friends, family, housemates, etc. The list adds on and the amount of money in my bank account diminishes.

I'm already busy paying off my credit card bills from leaving absurd amount of tip money at New Brunswick bars- which is like me being in the Christmas season all year long- so how am I supposed to start paying the holiday szn bills? This is why people in America trample other human beings for Walmart Black Friday deals.

In some other news about my life, I've written a screenplay and am currently in the works of trying to get it somewhere. Some exciting stuff may be happening in the near future. If anything comes to fruition, I'll let all my beloved fans know promptly.

Most likely, nothing will happen and I'll end up living in a cardboard box soon after college. A cardboard box, however, would be considered a luxury studio apartment compared to the living conditions of my frat house.

The front glass of our front door has been missing for 1 month and the ability to rob us blind has never been easier.

I love New Brunswick!

Anyway, that's about all the time I have left. Gotta go to the bar and cut limes. Wouldn't want those people to take $4 tequila shots without chewing on a piece of bar fruit.

I will leave you now with a picture of an alcoholic santa.

Fuck you.

Merry Chanakwanza.







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I am Never Wrong. I am Awesome. I do NOT eat ass.