Well, I've officially run out of shit to write about. My life is as interesting as a blowjob from Betty White.
I wanted to write a post about snapchat and Instagram and how these apps are destroying our society's youth. If you want to hear my drunk ass ramble at 3AM about a fucking app, keep reading. If you have a life, log off and go fuck that person you were going to.
Anyway, your snapchats are all so fucking gay. Here's the problem: I don't give a shit.
Nobody gives a shit.
Yes, you went out. Yes, you had some alcohol. Yes, you know the fucking words to that fucking Justin Beiber song I hear every fucking day 45 times and contemplate hanging myself to.
We are very fucking proud of you.
Nobody gives a flying fuck.
Every snapchat story is the same- especially when we're talking about women.
There's only 1 female whose snap chat story I can say I really enjoyed watching and it was Nicolette Lopocaro's. I don't know what happened but god damn- those were some quality stories and I used to laugh my ass off.
I still reminisce on Vanessa Antico's cover. "A he he he"
You know who has the worst snapchat stories? Allie Gorenc. I'm not going to lie- I know only people from my hometown who read this are going to understand/give a shit - but holy fuck I can't do it.
I just can't watch it anymore. I understand- you're in LA. I understand - you're good looking. Yes, yes, you sing. Loudly. Let's move on and find another thing to focus on. These outfits are just getting more and more ridiculous every day.
I'm really not one to talk since my snapchat stories are basically just me bothering my roommate and waking up looking sweaty/ugly/hung over.
But fuck you, this is my blog I'll talk shit about whoever I want.
You know what the issue is? I have all these people I follow for essentially no reason. I mean, maybe there was a point in time I did give a shit- but now I really just don't give a shit.
It's amazing how quickly you realize how small your friend group really is. Like, when I was a senior in high school, I thought everybody was my shitty friend. Now I'm a sophomore in college and I'm not sure my mom entirely likes me.
Hi mom. I know you're reading this. I was just kidding. Please relax.
You know what the big problem is with Snapchat? Most of the time, what you're filming is only interesting/applicable to you.
Like, nobody gives a fuck about that corona. Nobody gives a fuck about some guy you just met in a dirty basement who is now grinding on your girlfriend who you don't even really like but she tagged along with your best friend and now you're just here like well ok fuck I guess I'll be with her all night but in the end its whatever for you because she looks ugly and only makes that dress look better on you and did I just fucking nail that right on the fucking rhetorical fucking head or what ladies?
You know what the worst is? The 'reply chug' snap bullshit.
You sent me a 4 second video of you chugging a rolling rock? Do I give a flying fuck? What kind of a piece of shit narcissistic cocksucking douchebag do you think you are that now I'm going to go out of my way and stop doing whatever I was doing before just so I can send you a bullshit 4 second video of me drinking another bullshit beer? Fuck you.
These run on sentences are getting out of hand.
Now there's Instagram, which I enjoy in moderation. I'll admit when I was younger and the app was fairly new, I used Instagram all the time and would find an excuse to put up a picture every couple of days. Now I'm older and understand that less is more, so I only use it maybe once every other week- if that.
Here's an Instagram fad I hate- videos of people singing.
Here's a video of me- singing- alone in this room- by myself- which I took several attempts at filming- go like it so I can tell myself I'm good at singing
Who gives a fuck about your singing? Half of the time your singing really isn't that impressive and the other half of the time your singing is God awful and I am making fun of you with the homeless guy behind the convenience store because all my real friends are out getting laid.
My biggest problem with Instagram is that its as if we only do what we're doing to appeal to Instagram.
It's like we only go out, we only drink, and go to parties or bars or whatever- just so that we can show other people we're doing it. It's like we're constantly trying to publicize our actions as being cool or interesting to the point in which we don't even find enjoyment just doing these things.
I work at a bar. And I can tell you from experience its honestly sad watching a person take out their phone and start snap chatting themselves or other people. You are literally spending your time here on showing other people that you're spending time here.
For the love of shit on my cock, get off your fucking phone and live your fucking life and stop being a mediocre unnecessary annoying piece of anal.
Here's another problem with Instagram and Snapchat- relationships.
Holy fucking shit. We get it. You two are dating. We get it. You love him. We get it. You love her. You loved your Ex too. You still have fucking Instagrams from 37 weeks ago with them in it and look how well that worked out.
A huge problem with relationships today is that your significant other becomes who you're snap chatting about/ who you're tweeting about/ who you're instagramming with-
Your significant other becomes such a big part of your life that they become your life. Then, when you break up, you go back to having no life. This is why I'm sweaty and eat too much cheese: I have nothing and nobody to do.
I'm probably going to get yelled at for this blog post because people need to cry about when I use their names and whaa whahaha whaaa I can't take a joke- but I don't care. My blog has been pretty dry lately.
As I wrap up this blogpost I will tell all my readers about an adventure I will currently be embarking on for Spring Break. Most college students go to Florida to do mass amounts of cocaine and make mistakes, but I will be doing something different.
For my break, I plan on getting in my car, bringing a couple changes of clothes, a stick of deodorant, a guitar (so white and angsty I know), and just heading out. My phone will be off the entire time. The whole idea is to stop staring at my own phone screen and really see the world.
Hopefully I won't pussy out and I'll have an interesting time or something to actually write about for a change.
I will leave you all now with a picture of one of my ex-girlfriends.