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Monday, May 4, 2015

Atheistjustin Does Some Shit

It's been a while. I've been busy snap chatting Ethan's hairy ass and fingering my girlfriend (Joe Sada). I'd like to fill everyone in on the shit I've been up to.

Well, college is almost over. My class class is taking place as I write this blogpost and you can clearly tell that I really, really give a shit about 19th century black drama by the fact that I'm writing a blogpost in class.

Sidenote- this class kind of smells like weed.

I recently became a Brother of the Pi Kappa Alpha Fraternity AKA Pike. I am now a Frat boy and I can't wait to spend all of next semester wearing tiny shorts and boat shoes. Phi, Phi boys.

I watched the Manny Pacquaio/Floyd Mayweather fight and for everyone that follows me on twitter, you know that I was a huge Pacquaio supporter even though I'm not 100% sure on how to spell his name.

The interesting thing about this fight is that both contenders speak, at all times, as if they had just gotten the shit beaten out of them. This is because one of them is from the Philippines and has an accent, and the other one is borderline Autistic.

Floyd Mayweather is so dumb I think I could have a more intellectual conversation with my brother, Christopher. He's 2 years old and the only things he can say are: "Ball," "Bahney," and "Nigga."

I didn't teach him that last one.

Anyway, like the rest of us, I was pretty disappointed when the 38-year old kindergartener won the fight. But what really aggravates me isn't that he won, it's the fact that he has supporters.

My girlfriend Joe, who has appeared on this website more than he has appeared in Church, supported Mayweather before the fight. I asked him why and he said, "have you seen his instagram? He's so rich!"

Joe also supported Mayweather because they have the same IQ. 7. It's not Joe's fault that he's stupid. His head is the size of a peanut. A peanut, for those who don't know (Mayweather), is a small nut. Subsequently, Joe also has small nuts.

Back to the point: just because someone is wealthy doesn't mean you should support them. Hitler was pretty fucking wealthy, but I don't think Neo-Nazis support him because Hitler had nice cars.

Bill Gates is pretty fucking wealthy, but I don't see lots of inner-city black kids tweeting: "Bill Gates Tho *emojis* *fire* *100*

Sidenote- my classroom is starting to smell more and more like weed.

Bill Gates is a role model to people not because he is supremely wealthy, but because he is a good person. Bill Gates has literally given away billions of dollars to helping the world and even though Bill Gates has enough money to purchase most of Africa, he still wears white New Balances.

Real billionaires and/or role models are humble, have humility, and are really, really, really smart in the brain area.

I will probably never be a billionaire. And neither will Floyd Mayweather.

Getting back to how my life is going:

My birthday is next week and I will turn the big 19. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I will finally be able to buy cigarettes even though I have never smoked a cigarette a day in my life.

My moms smokes more than a 19th century railway train and because of this I have never contemplated smoking a boagie.

For those who don't know, 'boagie' is the term white people in my town call cigarettes. These people are not well educated.

But now that I'm 19, maybe I'll buy a pack and take a drag. I'll probably throw up a little and cry, but it's always fun to try something new.

Sidenote- this classroom smells dank as fuck and I think I have a slight high while sitting in this class. I just realized that my teacher is wearing crocs. Why are you wearing Crocs, sir?

In all sincerity, since I'm a blogging, chino-wearing, guitar-playing hipster, the fact that I don't smoke is almost surprising. I probably would be a smoker if I had enough money to afford cigarettes.

I'm still not quite sure how poverty-stricken homes are able to afford to smoke. Like, if you can't pay your electricity bill, how are you paying for the pack of Marlboro's every day? What the fuck? Huh?

I'll leave you all now with a picture of William Henry Gates. Feel free to send me chocolates or bottles of mayonnaise for my birthday next week.

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I am Never Wrong. I am Awesome. I do NOT eat ass.