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Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Atheistjustin is Looking For Writers

Are you funny? Do you hate yourself? Do you have one nipple? Have you ever killed a man? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, I want you.

Now, yes, I have built myself and this website with my own blood, sweat, and semen. But now, after almost 4 years, I would really like to open it up to other people.

There are a lot of people (mostly teenage girls) who have asked, "can you write a blog about me?" Usually, I offer these girls to have sex with me in exchange for having a cool story about them, but that generally ends up with me losing another reader.

A few months ago, I posted something my friend JewishWonder wrote. It was kinda funny and since I was too lazy to write my own post, I figured fuck it, I'll put it up.

I had to edit it a little bit to make it more Atheistjustin-esque, but generally the whole thing was written by him.

So now, people of the Atheistjustin community, I invite you to write a blogpost. Write about anything.

Did you have a shitty day at work? Did your roommate walk in on you masturbating? Did you have sex with a hot 19-year old only for her father to come home at 2 in the morning? Is your car a danger to yourself and everyone else on the road?

Whatever it is you think might be funny, or entertaining, I invite you to write it out and then send it to me.

I will judge your work based on this criteria:

1. Did it make me laugh?
2. Did it use the words nipples, semen, or mention sexual terms?
3. Would I recommend it to my friend?
4. Would my mom retweet it? (My mom will always retweet it)
5. Is Bill Cosby a rapist?

This is a sincere offer I have and will continue to run on this blog for as long as it, or I, exist.

For serious inquiries you can e-mail me at

Put your name in the subject and put your text/submission in the text box of the email. I don't want to download your shitty attachment.

If you have my phone number, feel free to text me "hey Atheistjustin, I wanna send u a pic of my dog from last halloween." And then send me a blogpost.

For those of you who have always wanted to be like me (Nicolette Lopocaro), here's a chance to be just that. You can also share a link to your blogpost to all your friends and hopefully none of your family because I highly doubt Grandma is going to want to hear this shit.

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I am Never Wrong. I am Awesome. I do NOT eat ass.