I edited it slightly but 98% of it is all him- even the line about me, I swear.
Nigga, I’ve been sitting here since 1:30 A.M. waiting for VirginPussy to walk out of that room with a huge, sweaty smile on his face.
Why you ask?
Because VirginPussy is indeed a virgin and a pussy. That’s right. This kid has never put his penis inside a girl’s wet hole.
I’ve been trying to get him to rail this one girl for about 5 days now and I’m hoping that today is finally that glorious, orgasmic day.
It’s now 3:58 A.M.
Something amazing has just happened.
The small crease underneath the door, which was clearly emitting light, just became dark. Could this be the moment my baby boy becomes a man? I hope so.
It’s not like he’s a bad looking kid. Like his name says, he’s just a fucking pussy. Girls want him; they’ve told me this. He just never makes the first move.
Until tonight- I’m praying.
I hope I’m not just writing this for nothing. If he doesn’t slam her after the lights went out, I’m going to kick his fucking ass. While he was putting work in, I was at Tinder Girl’s room putting in my own work.
Unfortunately, that bitch had a roommate who happened to be there and so my penis did not enter her, much to my dismay.
At least my boy is finally getting his peeper wet. I remember when I first met that Pussy. It was 2nd grade and we had just discovered what boners were. He always hated me because our cunt teacher Mrs. Klein would always give me red cards.
I don’t know why this bitch used red cards to symbolize we were being bad- bitch this isn’t FIFA.
Anyways, Pussy hated me but since our moms played tennis together they made us go on play dates. It was that first magical play date where I knew he would be the one to jerk me off every weekend in high school when I had no other friends there to stroke me.
I never thought Pussy would go 18 years without having fuck with a girl but his parents made him go to CBGay, a Catholic school where the closest vagina is 10 miles away across the street.
Well, it doesn’t matter now as we sit here on November 8th at 4:06 A.M. Good for this kid. It’s funny how sex works. When you’re a virgin, one’s pull game seems non-existent. But then that first girl makes it happen and opens the gate to a flood of pun-tang.
I hope that’s the case for you tonight, Pussy. Please God. May he thrust her twice in the vagina and make me a proud brother- yes a brother.
You are my brother, Pussy, and I hope you make me proud. If not, then hey- it’s not the worst thing in the world- actually wait, no, fuck you. I set this shit up you better fucking capitalize you piece of shit.
She’s even his type (Asian), well half at least. Is it too risky to go and listen next to the door? Fuck it I’m going- I’ll be right back.
They’re laughing and I hear someone wiping... There’s music in the background so at least that’s a good sign.
Let’s take a side note real quick- How the fuck does Justin keep getting pussy every week? I just don’t get it.
Back to Pussy.
The Asian Andrew just came over to me and asked if I was reading an essay then rubbed my ear. Go back to Japan you fucker. Jon Jon was staying up with me to see the end result of Pussy Two Pumps, but now he is assed out on the chair in the lounge beside me- it’s 4:12 AM
God bless that kid.
I swear, he tries to hit on every girl on the floor and his pull game is actually great- unlike Kyle who has no game and is all talk. I’m just waiting for Pussy to exit the room so hopefully he’s not being a soft fuck and ‘cuddling’ with her.
Get in your own bed you live 15 feet away. My roommate better be getting laid because I have just wrote the most I have in all of college about my point of view on him losing his virginity.
Jon Jon better stop fucking snoring.
HOLY SHIT THE BED IS SQUEAKING AND SHE’S MOANING YES YOU FUCKING SAVAGE I’M SO GOD DAMM PROUD OF YOU.
I‘m inclined to go back and listen bud but I feel wrong- oh fuck it- I’m going to listen. Hopefully he’ll get more than two pumps in.
Good for you bro, even though I know you are on your second condom for sure. I don’t really know what else to write here besides that I’m so proud that you finally grew a pair of balls and now I’m jealous I saw Tinder Girl and got no pussy myself.
It’s now 4:21 AM. I’m gonna wait a little while longer and hope that you come out of the room so I can kiss you on the mouth even though I know Anne has been there already- but I don’t care. You are now the non-virgin-Pussy. Love you, and congrats on this week’s Rut Slut Award.
A Huge Fag Who Spends 4 In The Morning Listening To His Roommate Fuck