I'm gonna make this quick- because I'm in the middle of ripping my ass hairs out and killing the local Korean Hookers. I hate Apple more than Jewish people hate pork. Between their monopoly on music, entertainment, and electronics to their 'customer service' Apple makes me want to burn down anything with a sleek steel shine. That means you too William Shatner.
My best friend's father gave me a brand new MacBook Pro to help me with recording my Album. I know that I probably just wrote the single most ridiculously white and hipster sentence of all time, but you can all go fuck yourself because thats whats going on in my life. You know what you're doing with your life? Reading my shitty blog.
Thanks a lot for that, but seriously, get a life.
So I get the Mac and I was almost too shocked to accept it. I went recording some shit on Garageband and all seemed to be working fine. Then, a friend of mine gave me Pro Tools 8, which is a more advanced, more professional software.
That ended up fucking me so hard in the ass I may as well have renamed myself Amanda Bynes.
After installation, I came to learn that this software will not function unless you have equipment made by the same company.
Insert smiley face emoji. Insert gun emoji.
Insert God's middle finger going up my asshole because that's pretty much what happened.
This makes almost no sense, because on the box of my equipment it states in big, red letters "PRO TOOLS 9 READY!!" But whoop-da-dee-fuck-you-in-the-ass-a-doo Pro Tools 8 won't accept that shit and it won't even open.
So I was upset, figured I could go back to Garageband and record some shit on there and just do my best to make my music sound as professional as I could.
But oh no, now Garageband is frozen, keeps telling me there's a problem with MIDI's, and is jumping up and down my dock in an effort to try and kill itself.
My only hope now is to uninstall Pro Tools 8, because I think it made my Garageband angry.
Now, you might be asking yourself, "what does this have to do with Apple? Clearly its all Pro Tools' fault." OR, you could be asking yourself, "what am I doing with my life that I'm reading this kid's blog?"
But to answer your first question, I am salty at Apple for their 'genius' customer service. I called them, was redirected 3 times, spent 12 minutes of my life talking to these people, and came to find out that my computer is limited on its service and that if I want additional help I have to pay for it or schedule and appointment at the Apple store.
How about you go fuck yourself :)
This then reminded me of how Apple is always so crowded, because their shit is always broken and needs fixing. This is probably due to the fact that their cheaply made, overly expensive bullshit is so terrible that a Vietnamese boy could make something more durable out of rocks and his mother's pubic hairs.
My analogies have only gotten worse and worse as this blogpost has continued and so it is time for me to depart and just let you all know that since I have a Mac now, I'm going to get an iPhone 5.
This is good news for you, because who knows just how pissed off I'm going to be with this hunk of iShit when I get it.