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Monday, July 29, 2013

Atheistjustin and The Summer of Music

When I was 4 years old, my mom would discipline me by putting me in 'Dark TIme Out.' This is exactly what it sounds like. She would throw me in a closet with no lights, lock me in it, and leave me in there for 5-10 minutes to suffer.

There is truly no better way to discipline your child because after that I fucking straightened up and flew right because the last place you want to be is in a 4 foot box where you aren't sure if its a jacket or a venomous spider touching your shoulder.

Unfortunately, to this day I sleep with a night light on and pee my pants whenever in a closet, so there are a few drawbacks.

What does this have to do with my blog post? Absolutely nothing, I just thought you all should know. It my also help explain why I'm so fucked up, but fuck Therapists they don't know no shit.

Now for the real news. So basically, I love music and play 7 instruments (8 if you count the bass guitar as a different instrument) (9 if you consider the Triangle an instrument) (10 if you consider masturbating an instrument).

And recently, I invested $557 of the money I made slaving in Tilly's toward recording equipment. I set it up and have been working on my 'album' this summer and is partially to blame for my slack of putting up blog posts.

But there is lots of good news. First off, my blog is going to be changing names. Soon, this website will no longer be atheistjustin.blogspot.com OH NO, instead, it will be, the greatest name of all time, simply, eloquently, atheistjustin.com

FUCK YEAH BITCHES THIS SHIT GON BE FUKN ITS OWN DOMAIN NAME N SHIT FUCKIN LEGIT ASS MOTHAFUCKA.

This means Ima have Ads, money, merchandise, customized mugs, porn, and some legit website type of shit on this motherfucker. I anticipate 900 Million subscribers of this website as it will make Facebook eat my shit. Because, fuck Facebook.

There will be a separate tab/section/nipple for downloading my music, as well as the music of some of my friends. This is good news to all my black friends, because this means they can have their mixtapes downloaded off Datpiff AND a place where white people go!

Yeah!!! Integration!! Woohoo!!

Unfortunately, I only have 2 black friends and they both think I'm racist. But that's okay because I have a white rapper friend whose music I'll also put up here. In addition to the 'album' I'm also working on a 'super-cool' music video where I eat vomit and fecal matter out of a cup with my friend Joe.

I believe my idea MAY have been taken by 2 lesbians in a video entitled "Two Girls One Cup" but who really knows.

I only ask that my fans (mom and Becky Rios) wait just a little while for my project to be done. It will be great, it will make your nipples moist, and most importantly, it will help make me more famouser.

And I keep using the word album with quotes because as opposed to normal albums, mine will be totally free. Because, after all, people don't pay for Jay-Z's albums or Kanye's so who the fuck is going to spend money on music made by another white kid in skinny jeans?

I know I wouldn't. And it certainly doesn't help that my musician name, "Justin Cassidy," makes me sound like a metrosexual ass-eater.

Well, with my updates finished I would like to leave you all with a beautiful picture of my album cover.

Art by Nathan Sawaya, courtesy of brickartist.com, photoshopping done by my Grandma.




Just for the record, yes that IS me, and YES I did come out of the giant lego statue in the middle of nowhere. 









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I am Never Wrong. I am Awesome. I do NOT eat ass.