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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Atheistjustin Visits A Strange Place (Not For The Weak Stomached)

Auschwitz, India, and my asshole are some of the places you don't want to be. And yet in this strange world, you can find places where you'd never expect to find some things. From London, where you can find people with 3 teeth in their mouths, to Boston where people replace the letter 'O' with 'A':

"Let's go Taaaahm Brady!"
"Gotta lahve tha Saux."

You can find some interesting shit just about anywhere. Perhaps the greatest, or at least one of the greatest, would have to be the Chinese Supermarket.

Let me tell everybody the tale of my Sunday. I had just finished running a 5K for children's cancer- yes I do have a soul. I mean, fuck you all you're all whores and ugly.

Here's some photographic evidence that I'm not a lazy piece of shit (lol jk I'm a fat whore.)

At first, I was ready to tackle this run as if it were a big fat black lady with KFC and butter.

Little did I know how many hills this fucking path would have, and once again, I was beaten by a fat black woman. This is a reoccurring nightmare.

Well, after suffering like an Ethiopian woman, I was told by my father that we needed to pick up shrimp for the barbecue at our house. I was briefly warned about this place, but nothing could possibly prepare me for this.

Before you entering, it seems like nothing is askew. It has a normal sign which predominantly says "Supermarket" and some Chinese writing. No big deal, sounds like a normal place right?

But then the doors open up.

And it smells like dirty, old vagina.

And the first thing you hear is Japanese pop music.

Wandering through this vagina smelling building, I followed my dad to the fish section. First passing the frozen food section I was greeted by these yummy treats.

I kept moving on throughout the store and the smell of vagina increased in potency, exponentially. After an elapse of only 30 seconds, I came to the source of the aroma. Everything I saw was so incredible, I was compelled to take several pictures.

This is a crate of live eels on the floor. They are alive. Do you understand me? These fucking eels, which probably have the capability of ripping out my jugular, are on the floor in a little crate.

When I went over to this, a nice Chinese man was shouting at me saying, "MAOO MAOO!!!"

Still not sure what that means but I assume it means, "you dumb white piece of shit."

My only question is: who goes and says, "you know what I want to eat today, some motherfucking jellyfish."

Just a tank full of living frogs. Just in case you wanted some fresh Frog eyes.

And why not have a nice fish tank packed with fish. This too was on the floor.

I wish I could convey to you how amazing this place was and how I was convinced that I had somehow teleported to Asia and was stuck in this land of magic and vagina.

Sadly, I left and was unable to witness any karate fights. Leaving, I did also see some gallons of soy sauce, you know, for all those people that need a GALLON OF FUCKING SOY SAUCE.

After leaving I became a new person, and awakened.

I hope to add more tales of the strangest places on the earth, and hopefully this too will become a series of posts.

Atheistjustin, MAO.

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I am Never Wrong. I am Awesome. I do NOT eat ass.