The Not That Great Podcast

Hey assholes. Check out my new podcast here:

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Atheistjustin is a Dick.

I feel like writing, so fuck you.

In case you're new to this blog, my name is Justin Hawthorne. My hobbies include stamp collecting, orphans, and fucking with people. I dislike AIDS, Justin Bieber, and that Mexican boy that keeps rubbing my thighs on the subway.

I suppose that out of all my talents from guitar playing, to writing, to comedy, my greatest would have to be my ability to fuck with people.

Though I cannot possibly recall and tell every tale of my endeavors of harassment, I can definitely
show off a few.

Let's start with one of my most recent and with my best friend Noah. Noah is a heavy sleeper and thus is easily fucked with at night. He has been drawn on and T-bagged, but we never told him about that last one. Well, last weekend, Noah dozed off before me and Joe and so we had a little fun.

FIRST I think I should explain that this piece of shit Jew fuck has punched me in the stomach, woken me up countless times, and taken a picture with me unconscious with knives. Also, he took my bitch in 8th grade, but read my book for that gay shit.


So, Friday night he dozes off to sleep around 12:30. I asked Joe, "Wanna fuck with him?" and about a second later he responded with "Let's do it."

After kissing, Joe and I developed some ideas. We saw that he was sleeping NEXT to his couch and not ON the couch thus giving us an excellent angle/position to fuck with him.

First thing we did was set him on fire. Naturally. Being that I had a broken lighter that would shoot out butane 10x the magnitude of a normal lighter, I lit it with another lighter causing a huge flame to shoot beside Noah's face.





Secondly, we resorted to throwing things at him and placing dolls. Then, I drew some racist subliminal messaging on paper and placed it beside him so he would wake up the next morning with a "what the fuck happened last night" demeanor. Adding dolls to his asshole and and throwing pictures and doggy pads, I realized that none of this would really have a lasting effect.

We didn't cause him any physical harm because last time he was drawn on he flipped a shit like an Orphan after being thrown into a dumpster.

Joe and I both knew that the only way we could really mess with him was psychologically and so we used a phony text making app to send him this- keep in mind he has a girlfriend.


By the end of the night, Noah looked like this.








Fucking with my friends is far from the only form of being a dick I pursue. Here's a girl trying to give me the dick and me dishing it right back.






She didn't respond after.




This blog post may birth a new segment of my blog called Fucking with People and may add more tales to it. Also, I'm going to attempt to change the comment settings on my page so everyone can tell me their shitty opinion that I don't even care about.

I'm talking to YOU white people.






No comments:

Post a Comment

Who IS Atheistjustin?

My photo
I am Never Wrong. I am Awesome. I do NOT eat ass.