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Monday, September 3, 2012

Atheistjustin Wraps It Up.

I'd like to think of this blogpost as being a condom. Metaphorically of course, I've never heard of a blog getting anyone pregnant. Then again, bitches be trippin, so you can never be too cautious. Special thanks to 50 Cent for teaching me that one.

Well, I'd like this blogpost to be a toast to the summer of 2012. It was one whore of a summer.

I didn't have a summer romance, I didn't get tan, I didn't get a job, I didn't do a lot, I didn't go to any parties because there weren't any, and best of all I still haven't gotten a 6 pack or Mila Kunis. This summer was a tease because after Spring Break I thought I'd be able to deliver multiple tales of stupid teenage excursions. Sadly, I was never arrested nor nearly raped/murdered/fondled on a subway.

I'm sure you're as disappointed as I am that I wasn't fondled on a subway. 

But here is a toast with our final cups of alcohol that we stole from our parents.
I guess I'll start with the fun stuff, the sweet 16's, of which I was lucky enough to enjoy 2. At one of them, there was a dildo-thing that for some reason was the center piece of our table. Joe enjoyed using it almost as much as I did.

I'm happy to say this is still in my room.

Now that all the fun stuff is out of the way, I'd like to focus on the fact that I spent this summer learning how to drive. While my Indian driving instructor referred to himself as "Alex," I'm almost positive his real name is Aleksanderjithundersen.

Later looking at the website, the car was misspelled 'Naitonal' instead of 'National.' Wow! So legitimate!
Most depressingly, Summer was spent inside the mall because there's nothing else to do when you're stuck in the middle of the suburbs with no car and all your friends are in sleep-away camp so you just wander your life away.
Oh and let's not forget that mighty little city New York. I had the wonderful opportunity to get my Jersey ass stuck in NYC two times which yielded to me only an overpriced Hendrix Vinyl record and shirt that looks like it was intended to be worn by gay sailors.

Shoutout 2 instagram
From the Italian-American Festival full of fat white people and slutty 13 year olds - to the party where I dressed up like Tyler the Creator and was prompted to eat a firefly- I can safely say that this summer will not be missed.

Though I can't say I'm excited for anything more than the FIRST day of school and the LAST day of hell, I have to admit that getting out of the 92 degree heat and humidity will be lovely.
There's nothing I miss more than yoga pants and the leggings that make their appearances in winter.

And so I finish this post giving you a final photo of the Krew and me attempting to look like a black guy.
Please excuse me as I weep because Junior Year starts in 3 days.

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I am Never Wrong. I am Awesome. I do NOT eat ass.