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Saturday, September 22, 2012

Atheistjustin Is A Lazy Whore

I'm pretty sure for all of us, there have been multiple days where we've hit the snooze button at least once or twice. For me, my whole life is a snooze button. I think if my house was on fire and a firefighter was shouting at me that I had to get out of my burning cocoon of death, I would tell him "5 more minutes."

I am a lazy whore and I won't deny it. If school gave me the option of prostitution in exchange for nap time, I would wear high heels every day and buy some bombshells. Bombshells by the way, are fantastic. Especially on men.

I understand that its been roughly 10 days since my last post, but I am far too lazy to go on and hit the "Internet Explorer" button to open up my blog. "Who the fuck uses Internet Explorer" my stalker may ask? Well, I do. And this is because my asshole Google Chrome feels that I only have 1 e-mail account. and that it's whosteen1. However, I have 4 and my other more used account, which is connected to this one, is chodemonster69.

I am far too lazy to try and get my Google Chrome to stop syncing every single aspect of my entire life: Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Tumblr, and Blogger together into one big orgy of Justin Hawthorne. Besides, if all of these motherfuckers were in my e-mail ALL giving me notifications, I would have killed Mark Zuckerberg and the other Jews that have made the Internet.

Why? Because I'm too lazy to go through my e-mails and delete them all.

In order to remedy my laziness, I have become a coffee addict. But the half hour surge of energy I get is solely used to get me from my kitchen to my bus stop.

I must point out that I am indeed so lazy that I took a break from writing this blog post to watch a video of some asshole dropping the iPhone 5.

Here's a link to that pile of shit.http://www.complex.com/tech/2012/09/video-first-iphone-5-drop-test

Getting off on a bit of a tangent, does anyone else agree that this new iPhone is a hunk of steel shit? Why would I want my phone to be bigger and for what possible reason would a 2-tone back be necessary for? I think Apple should just face that after Steve Jobs died so did the company's creativity. The iPhone 5 was really more like an attempt at copying it's competitor the Android.

And when you think about it, Apple, as well as the iPhone, were pioneers not followers. They were the first to give us touch screen phones and make the cellphone into something truly beyond our capacity. The first iPhone, while such a piece of shit to today's standards, was a true Christopher Columbus in the technological world. But now, the iPhone is reduced to a whore merely trying to suck more dick than it's best friend "Lafaundah."


And just look at this fucker.


I can hear Steve Job's shouting in his coffin.

Anyway as I was writing this, I was assaulted by a fly and was too lazy to go out of my way to kill it. So instead, I waited in the hallway for it to magically attack me and thus allowing me it to swat it using an electric flyswatter. Because I'm too lazy to actually swish my wrist downward, I'll just let some volts of electricity kill a small insect for me.

Here's a picture of said event:



I am wearing sandals.


Well as a lazy piece of shit I am, I do promise that I will try my very hardest to write on this blog at least once a week for all my fellow fans. Surprisingly, I do actually have actual fans and I'd actually like to prove it to anyone reading this who may thank otherwise.

Special thanks to Nicole Cuba, Farah Bakri, and Kyle Fargesen for making me smile and giving me the energy to keep on typing away on this piece of shit.

  • Kyle Fargesen
    • even tho i dont know u i just died reading your blog, props

  • September 12
    Justin Hawthorne
    • Haha
    • Thanks

  • Kyle Fargesen
    • you can probably write a book with that shit
    • Like i hope they serve beer in hell, u just gotta do dome crazy shit and write it all down

  • September 12
    Justin Hawthorne
    • Hahaha I already did Write a book actually but thanks for your support I appreciate all the fans I can get

  • Kyle Fargesen
    • Oh lol np bud. Marlboro kids getting laughs from a manalapan guy hahaha


I would have written more to him but I was in the middle of SAT classes as he was messaging me. Oh well, this blog won't take my ass to college like the SAT will.


  • Farah Bakri
    • okay i must confess, i fucking love your blogspot and i read it all the time. you have a great sense of humor that actually makes me giggle, and its pretty hard for someone to make me laugh as much as i do when i read what you wrote

  • July 18
    Justin Hawthorne
    • AHHH! I'm honored, glad to know someone appreciates the shit I put up there
  • July 18
    Farah Bakri
    • It's awesome you have such a great potential of becoming a writer honestly between the vocabulary and the compositional risks. I love it all!

  • July 18
    Justin Hawthorne
    • You sound like my 8th grade english teacher, whom was a dyke. Regardless, thanks a bunches. Golf Wang

And my favorite of all was Nicole, not only was she a fan of my blog but she even liked my blog enough to want to get with me. How that makes any sense I have absolutely no idea. All I know is that over the summer, this blog actually got me ass. Thank you blog.

  • Nicole
    • hi, this might sound really creepy but I read your blog before and you're fucking hilarious c:

  • June 26
    Justin Hawthorne
    • Why thank you darling
    • It's not creepy at all I enjoy when people read my stuff

  • June 26
    Nicole
    • haha no problem! (:




However, as I finish up this blogpost, I find it necessary to tell everyone that Justin Hawthorne, the Never Wrong and the Awesome, is actually in a relationship. Yes, yes, I have a girlfriend and I barely even have to drug her when I see her.

Now I must slumber, writing this has made me sleepy. Because I Am A Lazy Whore.

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I am Never Wrong. I am Awesome. I do NOT eat ass.