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Sunday, June 24, 2012

Justin and the Rapper.

Wednesday was a good day, I have to be honest. I slept all day and had an enjoyable dream about my ex-girlfriend and then proceeded to chill with my homies. We later had a party and thus walked over as it was not too far away. Though I got us lost 2 times, I was able to successfully navigate me and my homies to the party, only 2 hours late.

On the way there, we saw a snake just chilling out on the sidewalk like, "hey bitches, I'm a snaaaaake." I thought it was a huge pile of dog shit at first, but once it moved towards us and hissed a little, we were the ones shitting. Noah's dumb ass ran straight into a sprinkler. I'm pretty sure Matt will no longer be the same after the walk as the event seems to have tragically altered his being. Then again dealing with a 7 foot snake can be life changing, just ask Rihanna about sex with Chris Brown.

Once we got there the place was packed with different kinds of people. There were those asshole skaters with gauges and face piercings and long hair. There were tool bags with huge arms wearing tank-tops. And last but not least there were people just looking to party. I was in the group of, "hey, I have a blog."

At this fiesta, I attempted to score with some ladies and came to a tragic fall. As I am unlucky and unattractive, I failed at getting any action for that night. Actually, I did in fact get a lot of action, but not any of the action I was looking for.

I made some friends at this congregation of teenagers. There was tank-top guy whom kept telling me he "had my back no matter what, WERE BOYS NOW." There was Dan, whom was the coolest motherfucker of all time. I honestly thought he was 26 when I saw him, but he informed he was just 18. Still though, he was clutch as fuck. In addition to them, I made friends with someone whom was telling me about his police record. Did you know throwing eggs with swastikas on them at a house is a hate crime? Me neither. Oh police and their laws.

While I did have a great amount of fun just chilling out with some new friends and even some old ones I haven't seen in a while, I suppose the best person of all was the Rapper.
I don't know his real name, and I really don't want to. So let's just call him the Rapper. Well, before I begin I should tell you that the first thing I heard him say was, "Yoo.... WHERE the GIRLSSSSS aT?!"  He was extremely intoxicated and had the voice of an arrogant, really pissed off alcoholic. His voice was way too mature to be in his teens so I'm going to have to presume that this guy was at least 20.

When I heard this, I thought nothing of it. For the guy/girl ratio was not favorable that night. Oh but how incorrect was I.

The night went on and I returned to the area that the Rapper was in because my friends were in the same vicinity. This is where he began rapping. He proceeded to go on endlessly rapping about pussy, alcohol, his swag, and some other mumbling I couldn't really decipher. Brilliant lyricism if you ask me. Noah kept edging him on to continue rapping since he found it hilarious. Noah was completely fucking with him, but the Rapper was too drunk to realize.

As time went on, he continued to rap more and more and more. I rapped alongside him at a much better pace, with much better lyrics, and with a higher vocabulary. It was around this point that I saw a bit of an attitude shift between us. I think he became predatorial and angry that I was better than him at his talent. This is where the fun began.

I left his side and began to inform him that I was going to draw him a crowd, even though he had done an impressive job of getting 8 people to laugh at his drunk ass himself. Noah and Joe were unfortunately gone now because they wanted to talk to someone that could use words longer than 5 letters. At this point in time the Rapper was literally so drunk that he was washing down Svedka with more Svedka. You know what an alcoholic rapper falling over himself needs? MORE ALCOHOL!!!!

Well, I did not know Mr. Rapper and thus was unaware that he has a bit of a temper. When I came back with 2 other girls (who fucking died at this guy) he was not amused. He stopped swaying drunkenly and asked, "You makin' fun of me?"

Oh fuck.

He caught on. Even though for the past 30 minutes EVERYONE was dying at his antics, only I was caught. Apparently, I had gone over the line of fuckery for this guy. And here is where I ran into a bit of a problem. He proceeded to goad me into fighting him.

"So YOU THINK yer funny!? YER naWt FUNNeeeeeE!!!?"

Blank stare.

"LEMMmeee Get a cR0wd!!! YEAH yeAH YoooOU THnnnK YeR FUnnY!"

I glanced over at Matt. He too was dumbfounded.

"YeeeER NOT FUNNY!!! Yerrrr nAwt funeeeeeEEE!!!!"

This is where I realized there was going to be a debacle. Now, I knew that if I did fight this alcoholic rapper, that I would win. Not only was he unable to stand properly, let alone coordinate punches, but he was also heavily outnumbered. If I engaged in combat with this drunk ninja, he may have died. Like I mentioned previously, I made about 6 friends all of whom were well built and almost seemed to be itching for a fight.

This guy would have died, as he was not only fat and sluggish, but he was drunker than my dad on Memorial Day '09. He may have had one black friend with a huge afro, but I don't think he would have even been involved.

"Therrrre's abouT to be sUM Problemmmmzzz!!"

So my choice was either: get involved in the murder of an angry alcoholic OR simply walk away and let him deal with the hangover tomorrow morning. I, being a pussy, took the high road and decided it'd probably be better for everyone if I just left his vicinity.

As I left, the last thing I remember him saying was, "yeaHH I dropped Outta Brookdale but I still REPrezzent! Still reppin' Brookdale!!!!"

God Bless Svedka.

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