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Thursday, April 19, 2012

My frendZ

For those of you that have been reading, I've mentioned my very good friends Joe, Noah, and Matt. I haven't gone into detail about any of these characters but I figured I will now. In addition, I'll mention some other side kicks of mine. Without these people, I'd most likely be writing these things in a jail cell.

To keep it short and make sure its not too gay, I'll just write the persons name, a short description, and a sentence about them. Really good friends of mine will also have a quote and a picture. These are not arranged in any particular order, so don't fucking cry to me later that you're not the first name. And please don't take offense if you're not in it at all, I just got really tired and stopped caring.

Noah Goldberg=Jewish, 5'11, dirty blonde, 0.25 inch penis, kind of looks like he has autism but after talking to him for 30 minutes you'll realize he's not mentally retarded. One of the best sentences of all time, "I took a shit and it smelled like vodka."-4/4/12

Joe Sada=Italian, 5'8, black hair, looks kind of like Drake, 0.5 inch penis, he's cute and cuddly and can't fight, though if you anger him enough, he will punch you in the head. "Yeah bitch? Why don't you kiss me in public?!"-1/17/12

(yes, this is his yearbook photo. I have it framed in my room. He is called Gay Lover for a reason.)
Matt Dizenhaus=Italian/Jewish, 5'5, brown hair, looks like he has mental disabilities (he probably does), he's pretty much that one friend that I've never really ever had a problem with. "Justin, let me just cut your hair right here, right now."-4/26/10

Jolee my imaginary black jewish friend

5. I have pictures on my phone, but not on the computer, frowny face.
Kiana Konders=Half black, 5'7, brown hair, she has a huge badonkadonk and she's my neighbor, unfortunately for me, she's not into atheist white boys. "Bitch, I don't give a fuck."-everyday

Jordan Delaney=White as my penis, 5'7?, dyes her hair every week, she's a new member to mah crew but I enjoy her company and her basement is the shiznit. "What is this fuckery?"-unknown date

Ethan Siegel=Jewish, 5'8, black hair, he's cute and cocky and makes me want to rub my nipples. Also, he's single ladies. Tweet me for his digits. "Oh Shit! I have a soccer game tomorrow I'm fucked!"-4/3/12

My acquaintances from Manalapan=While I sincerely wish I had the time and energy to write a little for every single one, I simply do not. I love all my associates from Manalapan and even though half of them are spoiled white kids, I love them all.

My acquaintances from Freehold=Once again, I have so many of these people that I lack the ability to write about them all. Unlike my Manalapan bitches, I barely ever get to see these people, so bumping into them on the weekends is a treat. While many of these people are potheads that work at iPlay America, I love them all with all my heart.

(Yes, I am massaging her foot, I have a foot fetish. If you're into that ladies, hit me up.)
Neeks Petosa=Jewish, 5'9, brown hair, big tushy and a big heart. She's got a big nose too, but I love it lots.

Well, this is a short, sweet list of my homies. Anymore people I come in contact with and write about I'll have to describe in the post I mention. The main focus people in this post are Joe, Matt, Noah, and Ethan as they are my tightest boyz. Yes, I know I am white.

Oh and happy 4/20 to all my stoners out there. I'm sure I'm going to have something to write about after this weekend.

I just really hope I don't go to jail.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Weekend Swag.

Before I begin another post, I'd just like to thank the masses for their support. Seriously though, I've gotten a few texts and mentions from people and I'd like to thank all my readers out there. All 13 of you rock. Anyway, I don't know how much I'll write in here, whether it be a weekly thing or a monthly thing. I have no idea. I'm sure you're all crying as much as I did at the end of Titanic. Wait... what..

Anyway, this weekend was similar to my spring break in that it was similar to diarrhea juice after being left in a warm toilet for 3 days. Yeah, simply put it was interesting. Friday I found myself in school bored and in the media center 3 times. Fantastic. After going to the gym (those abs are TOTALLY coming in and not fat at all... jk) I showered and packed my bag and psychologically prepared myself for the weekend. This normally involves 15 minutes of me crying in the fetal position while listening to Adele. Hey, Adele is the shit. Don't hate.

So Friday I went to my buddy Noah's as I normally do on weekends. So far so good. After Joe arrived we pondered what we were going to do that night. After enjoying a nice order of sushi that's not enhanced with MSG, we decided on bowling. Three dudes going out bowling together on a Friday night? Nothing straighter. We went, realizing how gay it was, and figured it would be at least fun. I have to admit, it was enjoyable. Turns out though, I'm fucking horrible at bowling.

I am literally so shitty at all sports and activities that even the Indian children next to me were kicking my ass at bowling. I'm not even kidding, 4 year old kids had a higher score than I did. After ending on a high score of 25/300, we started another round. Once again, I was fucking horrendous. Looks like my aspirations of joining the bowling team is gone. Damn, I was really looking forward to a varsity jacket. Frowny face.

I'm not sure when, but I imagine by 10:30-10:45 we were done and realized we needed something else to do. Since the bowling alley was right across from my neighborhood, I knew that a CVS was right down the road. So, me and my friends, one of us on crutches, walked down route 33 and passed by a few open fields and run down houses that looked a lot they were filmed for Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I was almost positive we were going to be raped and killed by some sort of deranged killer. Thanks a lot Dick Wolf.

Finally reaching the Walgreens, which I shit you not is right next to the CVS, we peered inside hoping it was open. It was not, so I screamed, "FUCK WALGREENS" as loud as I could. Fuck that place, I should have peed on the side. I did not. Anyway, we found ourselves in the CVS finding junk food to eat. After enjoying a hearty meal of pop-tarts, cheese puffs, and skittles, we called a cab and left.

Now let me explain to you how transportation works for my group of friends. I am only 15 and don't have my permit, nor do I have the ability to test for it until May. My other buddy Joe is still working on getting his and Noah was supposed to back in February but due to his surgery won't be able to until probably May. Poor fuckers. So since we are without the ability to drive ourselves, we have to rely on parents. That sucks because you have a curfew, generally 11. But half of the time we don't want to leave at 11, we want to seem important and cool and stay out late, so we call cabs.

The problem with cabs in New Jersey is that not only are they ridiculously over priced, but either you get an old man that hates his life and day dreams about getting into a head on collision OR you get a cool guy. Guess which guy we got Friday night?

So after Mr. Imafiftyyearoldcabdriverthathatesyou dropped us off, Joe and I passed out on the couch at around 2.

At 7 I woke up, passed out. Got up again at 8:30, passed out. Got up at 9:45, peed, passed out. At about 10:52 Noah shouted, "GET THE FUCK UP ASSHOLE" and I arose like a zombie out of Barbara Streisand's vagina. Unable to function nor think properly, I stumbled upstairs and was able to make myself a cup of coffee. Keep in mind, in the morning I have the cognitive skills of a 3 year old.

About 45 minutes later we headed to Keyport NJ to see some thrift shops. You see, me and Noah are part of the movement where we get cheap shit from the thrift store to sell for way too much money. Noah likes to buy shitty snap backs and uses the snaps to customize others. It's pretty cool actually. Anyway, after our ventures I bought: A Stephen King Book (10 cents), a bible (10 cents), a pair of cargo shorts (1 dollar), a beanie (50 cents), a Hawaiian shirt (1 dollar), a belt (free), and a ridiculously tight Phillies tank top (1 dollar). I finally know what it feels like to be Mexican now.

Heading back home with a statuette of Moses (Noah's dad bought it for 8 dollars, I thought it was awesome) we stopped into a little Asian restaurant called, "Kicky's." With a name like Kicky's I was envisioning fat white people to be working there with funny hats and collared shirts. Instead, I saw a fat Asian man with blue glasses and a lesbian hair cut as he seated us. God damn I love Keyport.

We finished eating and picked up my buddy Matt from his house. When we got back to Noah's house, I threw my new clothes into the wash as they most likely had lice and yeast all over them. Matt cut my hair as he always does and thankfully didn't make me look like a Nazi or a lesbian, this is a first. Joe got himself a nice box up and a shitty fade. He looks a lot like Drake, if Drake was Italian... and 16.... and 5'8''... okay so he looks nothing like Drake.

After we changed clothes and me and Matt, or Gay Lover as I call him, kissed each other tenderly, we headed out to our friend's house. Here I met up with Asshole and Slaphappy again.

We get there and a hookah bong is set up and bottles of vodka are around. Well being that I never drink or do anything illegal, I was pretty sure how this night was gonna be. And so the drinking began and I casually chatted with people as I sipped on ginger-ale. God damn I'm a cool motherfucker. Anyway it wasn't too long until Asshole and Slaphappy showed up. But they also brought along misses "I NEVER throw up!" Woohoo!

As you can imagine, some time went by and that very girl happened to throw up herself. Now it's a party. So that girl and her friends went to the bathroom to go assist with the vomit in her hair. Oh yeah, it was that awesome of a night. Now, the girl was vomiting for a long time, or at least she was in the bathroom for about an hour and a half. Eventually, the boys had to pee. Both Slaphappy and Asshole.

Well, they can't go to the bathroom since Mrs. Ineverthrowup is in the bathroom and its too crowded with all the girls. So what can we do? Well, looks like we have to pee in a cup. Oh yeah, I'm not even fucking kidding right now. So they pee in a cup and guess who has to get rid of it? That's right, THIS GUY. I should be awarded for, King of Getting Himself Into Shitty Situations. In all honesty, I volunteered to. Not because I want to, I don't have a pee fetish, but because I knew nobody else would. And I REALLY didn't want a cup of urine in the room. So yeah I dumped it out.

In addition, I helped clean up a little vomit. I am a nice guy in some situations and this was one of those times.

I thought that would be the only time I'd ever have to pour out a cup of piss out. Unfortunately, I was incorrect in this assumption. SWAG. Asshole peed yet again in another cup but this time he thought he was capable of being able to pour it out the window. Well, the windows had screens that couldn't be opened so that wasn't happening. But, he didn't know this and Asshole accidentally spilled some on his hand, the floor, and the cup. WOOHOO!!. I then had to take said cup and rest it on the ground. I then retreated to the bathroom to throw out the pee and wash my hands extensively. At this point, I had contemplated scheduling a session for a therapist. Then I realized I had a blog that I could just write this all down in. Fuck you

Finally, at around 12:30, we called a cab and left. Asshole and Slaphappy left and I was with just Noah, Joe, and Gay Lover again. We actually got a cool cab driver too named Chris who we had before. He was fucking hilarious. Once at home, we gorged ourselves on junk food since we didn't have dinner and hadn't eaten since Kicky's.

Around 2 in the morning, we fell asleep. I went home Sunday and wrote this post. Pardon me now, as I go into a 3 day coma.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Spring Break

Tis spring break was like a diarrhea coated stick left out on a warm spring day.
So where do I begin? I guess we’ll start with the first day, Friday March 30th

Going to school that day was like watching a Cosby show rerun in 2012, it was unnecessary and while it had its highlights, I didn’t walk away with anything new or important. Except for a really bad case of the runs.

So finally, 2:00 came and after wiping the sweat off my balls, I ran out of school like Forest Gump out of Nam. School was over and I was pumped as fuck to start my break. The first day should have foreshadowed my entire break, almost like a 3rd grade Judy B. Jones book.
After I finished working out (cause you can totally see that I have the physique of a Spartan), I headed to my friend Noah’s house.

 So a little side note about Noah, he recently had surgery on his right leg and is in a boot along with crutches. He is crippled for the next month or so, but no worries, he’s pretty mobile and the worst thing about him is his pedophile-I want to touch little children-chin pubes

His facial hair is less 'rugged' and more 'pedophile-esque.'
We went to the mall to be annoying teenagers because we're fags and have nothing to do. Out of nowhere  I get a text from my mom that says: “When are you coming home? I need to talk to you about something- not doing it over text. We’ll talk Sunday.”

I shit myself as this is normally not a good sign. 

I proceeded on with Friday going to a hangout at my friend Jordan’s house. She’s a nice girl and her ridiculous dyed-red hair reminds me of this porno I saw once. Time there was uncomfortable being that someone was there whom is an avid disliker of me.

So yeah, I had to spend 4 hours with someone that hated me- pretty openly- All while being surrounded by drunk idiots.

For all sober people, being surrounded by drunk people is awful and about as entertaining as gargling rocks and vinegar while carving human shit into crayons.

I don’t drink for reasons that you can find out in my book Drugs, Drinks, and Cigarettes. I’m totally not promoting it by the way. Like seriously, don’t go and buy that. Seriously. Don’t.

Anyway, I’m at this hangout and everyone’s having a good time and terrible music is being played loudly in the distance.

However, one friend of ours was fucking hammered. She kept on coming up to me and Noah asking us how we got so strong and muscular. Then she would kiss our cheeks like the way a horny grandma kisses you after old poppy gave her a rubdown at the Thanksgiving table. Fabulous.

We spent a good portion of time avoiding her. Eventually, she collapsed on the couch and me and Noah pranced as we thought we escaped being raped. False. She woke up and quickly scurried to the upstairs bathroom. After falling up the stairs, she ran to the bathroom and just before she arrived inside, she vomited

All over the floor.

What a great way to start off Spring Break.

Friday quickly becomes Saturday as I dizzily pass out on Noah’s couch in the basement. Saturday I found myself going to “Joe’s Army and Navy Store” in Howell.

Most people would identify this place as being Howellbama or simply redneck white trash. This is my kind of place; I love these ignorant kinds of people. Though I was terrified of the surrounding moose heads and deer skins that were plastered over the walls, I was smitten by the Grateful dead T-shirts over in the corner.

 I may or may not have bought one. Checking out at the register, I couldn’t help but stare at the probably loaded Colt 45 pistols on display below.


I can’t seem to wrap my mind around what we did after that, but I do remember that I fell asleep in Noah’s room listening to the Backstreet Boys. Seriously though, we are not gay. For each other. 

Waking up, I found myself with a terribly fucked up right calf muscle and bed hair that resembled Ellen Degeneras’s pubes. Realizing that it was Sunday, I began to once again perspire heavily in fear of what it could be that my mom had to talk to me about. My nipples actually perspired milk at this point. So she texts me that she’s on the way to pick me up, I reply back with “Am I in trouble?” 5 minutes later I read, “Depends how honest you want to be.”

Imagine balls cringing, receding back inside my body.  This in fact happened to me at that moment.

I start freaking out; what the fuck could she be talking about?! I don’t drink, I don’t smoke weed, I don’t have anything illegal. The dirtiest thing I could think of is that my mom saw my internet history, but was that really so bad? Does my mom even know what bukkake is?!

Realizing this couldn’t be it, as I clear my history, I panicked more. What the fuck could it have been? That was the worst part: not knowing what the shit I could have done.

Turns out some alcohol went missing and because I'm an adolescent I was the only suspect- but to this day I say it was the cleaning lady. If you were a Polish immigrant who had to get by cleaning people's shit wouldn't you feel the need to have a drink every 10-15 minutes?

I sure would.

Eventually this turned out to be nothing but a waste of time and energy but it was like damn yo. The fuck?

I called up Joe and Noah for plans but discovered they were invited to a birthday party which I was explicitly informed I could NOT attend.

Thanks bitch; I hope your birthday cake has AIDS.

Eventually I realized I was shit out of luck with plans but smelt something and realized it was my own breath that resembled the inside of Adele's diaper.

Here is where I almost experienced the pussiest death of all time.

SI began to brush my teeth. As I began to brush my tongue, I went a little too far back and gagged. (S

The tooth paste then went to the back of my throat and the fluoride began to burn my esophagus intensely. Sensing this pain, I tried to use water to get it out, but used scalding hot water by accident. Burning and in immense pain, the fluoride and water mixed and began to foam. This blocked my airway and I began to panic. Thankfully, I managed to vomit just enough to allow a small bit of air through my windpipe. I fortunately (or unfortunately) didn’t choke to death but still had a burning sensation in my throat. I almost died by brushing my teeth. This basically raped all self-respect and dignity I had left, which was already very below par.

At least I had my copy of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell and An Idiot Abroad was on TV, so it wasn’t a terrible day, just horribly awful.

The next day, Monday, I was supposed to hang out with this girl Becky. Sensing that this wasn’t going to work out whatsoever, I went over to Noah’s house. Noah and I desperately tried to find plans, but eventually settled on going out on a man-date to Applebee’s. Thankfully, there were 2 girl friends of ours there too, so we all got together. It was nice, our waitress was annoying and quirky as fuck and I thought multiple times how nice it would be to beat this lady with a shovel. What a swagged out Monday.

I was supposed to go to my friends the next day, Tuesday, to record some music in his home studio, but was informed that his cousins were over and somehow would get in our way. Fantastic spring break so far isn’t it? Instead of recording music, I found myself in the house of the guy that fucking hates me. His older sister, a senior, was throwing a party. It wasn’t too bad, the party itself, but my friends got so fucking drunk they were falling over themselves. I, being the only sober one, was left to babysit these drunken assholes. A little after midnight, we called a cab service to come pick us up; they said they were going to be there in about 20 minutes. They lied.

My buddies were fucked up, they were calling people and in the annoying drunk stage. One of them was talking to a girl he liked and was being more annoying than a canker sore under your teeth. Let’s call him, Asswipe. Another one of my buds was just falling over himself laughing. Let’s call him Slaphappy. Another was just swaying himself for no reason. Let’s call him Pussy. And lastly there was the aggressive one that was getting angry about having to take a cab, as he insisted that we could walk 7 miles in the cold at 1 in the morning. Let’s call him Asshole.

Pussy was using Slaphappy’s phone to talk to girls. Asswipe was falling over himself and I took his phone so that he couldn’t cause any more damage to himself. Slaphappy was too confused to do anything more than laugh. All the while Asshole was talking to a former girlfriend about his current love and affection of her. Lovely Tuesday evening. Actually, it was technically Wednesday morning, but who really cares. Finally at 12:48 this asshole cab driver decided he’d show up and do his job. We got in the cab and amazingly none of us did anything dumb enough to get the cab driver to call the police on us for underage drinking, even though I was 100% sober.

We arrive at Asshole’s house and he tells us all he has to piss, so he begins to pee in his back yard. Slaphappy, Pussy, and I waited by the garage door controls for Asshole to come over and unlock the door. Asswipe, being drunk and disorderly, thought it would be a good idea to follow Asshole and take a piss. Instead of doing said activity, he fell and proceeded to say “No, I just farted a lot.” This lead me to believe he shit his pants. Thankfully, my intuition and greater understanding of drunken people failed me and he did not. He really did just fart a lot.

We all went downstairs into the basement. Slaphappy, me, and pussy just wanted to sleep on the couch below, but Asswipe had to go throw up in the bathroom. Well at least he got his phone back. He deserved it. Asshole needed a mattress to sleep, so I found one in the spare closet and made a bed for him. It is about 3 o’clock in the morning when we are all finally settled down and Asswipe is done vomiting. I manage to fall asleep at 5 in the morning, and engage in the most uncomfortable sleep for about 2 hours. Woohoo! Two hours of motherfucking sleep. I get up and find myself somehow on the floor, and Asswipe in my former place on the couch.

Fucking A.

Later that day, all my friends sobered up and Asswipe went home. I think he had soccer or something, faggot.  Wednesday we didn’t do much, me and my friends. But I made plans for Thursday with some girl Gab and this ended up being one of the worst hang outs in my entire life.

Thursday shows up and I’m at Noah’s house with Joe. Were rather excited waiting for these girls to arrive, I’m eagerly hoping to get with Gab. These emotions are soon about to change. At around 3, we decide its best to retire to the basement to enjoy the Sox game, or as Noah calls it the, “SAUX” game. Joe and I simultaneously played pool with the occasional game with Noah. Finally, around 3:35, we were graced with these ladies’ presence. So one of them I was expecting, Gab. She looked good, I thought she was very pretty. Her other troll friend with a gap in her teeth however, was not so visually attractive. Gab and Troll girl came down to the basement and the awkwardness ensued.

They didn’t talk unless they were provoked to and they replied with about 3 or 4 words. Hooray! I thought I was able to get with that girl Gab no problem, but it turns out I had a better chance of enjoying a Tyler Perry movie. As the day ensued and the Saux game was over we all headed outside. I thought maybe they’d finally start talking or doing something outside but I was completely incorrect. Instead, they awkwardly watched Noah (whom has one useable leg) and Joe play a “game” of basketball. As Noah realized this was causing him agonizing pain, he retreated over to my left side, in front of the garage door. To my right about a few feet away were the girls. Then, out of nowhere, Noah’s little sister came outside and asked me, “who was that short girl with the bad hair and gap teeth?”

I shit my pants and felt awkwardness rape me in the ass.

I quickly and quietly replied, “She’s a few feet to the right of me…” Now, Noah’s sister was still inside the garage in a position where she could see me and talk to me, but was unable to see the girls to my right.
“Seriously…?” she asked. I flipped out and told her to immediately go inside the house. Noah was pissing his pants and tried with all his might to hold in his uncontrollable laughter. Well I’m glad one of us was having fun. After a while, I said fuck it and had everyone go back inside the basement thinking it would somehow be less awkward. Once again, I was incorrect. I put on South Park via Netflix and found that the girl Gab was soulless and did not like the show. Mother fucker. At some point after this, Noah had the realization that he had to get these succubus’s out of his house, so he went on YouTube and played some of the most obnoxious music known to mankind.

They’re ride home arrived 2.5 hours too late and I escorted them out of Noah’s house. As Gab left I decided I wasn’t leaving without something. I had to climb mount awkward for this asshole. So I kissed her on the cheek. They left and I returned back to my friends only to be ridiculed and informed that this was “the single worst hangout of all time.” What a great Thursday.

Friday I wake up in Joe’s guest room (we went over to Joe’s house after the date) and find that our order of clothes and hats arrived. I ordered a black Supreme hat and when it arrived it smelled like the tears and sweat of underpaid Chinese children. Just the way I like it. Honestly, this hat may have saved my entire break. I mean, at least I can walk out of this god damn break being able to say that I got a kick ass Supreme hat. Thank you internet, thank you.

After fornicating with my hat, I went home and showered. I realized in the shower that my profuse excess of belly blubber was a little too thick, so I decided to go to the gym. For an hour and a half I found myself either in extreme physical pain, or in extreme mental pain looking at the asshole guidos around me. I must ask, why the fuck do people feel the need to wear HATS to a gym!?! DA FUCK?! You’re at the gym to work on your body not to put on a fucking fashion show. Idiots. I hate everyone.

As the day ensued I went out with my mom on a date as I hadn’t spent time with her in a while. We ate pizza and saw a movie. Pretty good day actually. It’s ironic really, I was so excited to get out this spring break, but I had the best time just chilling with my mom. It’s kind of gay I’ll admit it, but after realizing how much people suck, I was glad to just be with Meleah.

Saturday evolved from the ashes of Friday. This was the first day of Passover. Now I’ll explain that my family is what I call, “fake Jewish” but that’s an explanation for another day.  I wasn’t looking forward to anything but brisket the whole day. Brisket, for those that don’t know, is basically what happens when the heavens open up and meat is shit out of the clouds and lands into my house. Brisket is the single most delectable piece of meat my pubescent tongue has ever had the great pleasure of touching. My esophagus blesses each and every occasion that I ingest brisket. Sorry, I just had to go on that little tangent.
After Passover Seder and dessert, I begged my mom to please bring me to my girl friend’s house. She’s not my actual girlfriend, though she was at one point, but she’s just a very good friend of mine, whom I may or may not want to have sex with intensely. Anyway, my mom told me she could not but thankfully my grandfather drove me. At her house, I found myself begging this girl to get with me. I hadn’t gotten with a girl all week and I was practically on the verge of suicide from being on such a cold streak. Well, she was being an asshole and somehow made me laugh so hard that my gum fell out of my mouth and into her hair.

Well that’s lovely.

For the next 20 minutes, her friend tried to get the gum out of her hair while I felt like a huge asshole. I honestly wanted someone to come and shoot me in the face at that moment because I felt like such a piece of excrement. The gum came out without the need of cutting, so I was able to keep my life, at least for a little while. What a great Saturday night.

Sunday I woke up exactly at noon, but realized I was going to be picked up by my dad in just a half hour. Motherfucker. Somehow by the grace of angels I made it to my dad’s car and was on my way to my grandparents. I was with my baby sister for most of the duration, so it wasn’t so bad. The family had a bit of tension in the air, due to some sort of situation, but I really didn’t give enough of a care to really investigate what was going on. After about 9 hours I found myself back in my own room writing this very post.
Monday was the last day of break and I at least was able to enjoy 9 hours of sleep for the first time during the whole break. Around 2, my best friend came over and we just hung out for a while. It was nice and unlike the rest of my break, nothing horribly wrong occurred and nothing went too askew. Thank fucking god, I honestly couldn’t handle another “adventure” at 1 in the morning. Well, after she left I just passed out and consumed enough lucky charms to shit out a pot of gold. In unrelated news, my toilet is still clogged with some shiny coin.

As the day came to an end, I decided I’d finish writing this post and mentally prepare myself for the whore that is High School.

Who IS Atheistjustin?

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I am Never Wrong. I am Awesome. I do NOT eat ass.